I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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