Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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