you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
