was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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