Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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