I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
