Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
