don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
