I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
