oh god the rape fog is back!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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