YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
