so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize