Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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