wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
