i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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