My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There r osticjed everywhere
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs