I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.