Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i came on her dog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
