I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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