I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
