Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
