I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
