I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
