I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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