Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
