dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
