I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
