Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
