So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
