i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
