I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
