i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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