She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I FOUND THE LEGS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
