I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
