i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
