just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
