i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
the raccoons are back...
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