'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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