i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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