Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
