Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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