Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
