listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
