gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
