is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
