i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
