Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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