I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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