meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
