oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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