it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she looked like the before picture.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
