I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
