If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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