I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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