Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
