Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
