Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
