Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
