exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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