If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
