You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
