i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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