as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
