So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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