He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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