I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
