She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
