I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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