Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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