FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
