Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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