remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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