I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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